Stolen Meme

No this isn’t a meme about things that I’ve stole or have been stolen or stoles (you know they’re like some kind of scarf or something. This is a meme that I have stolen and it’s a general ‘hello I have all you lovely people who read things that I say I’d like to know a bit more about you than I already do’ kind of meme for anyone who feels like it to fill out. It’s under the cut.

Erm…

I have less than half an hour to come up with something interesting/entertaining to update livejournal with and to be honest I’m struggling. If you aren’t interested in the intricacies of my World of Warcraft life then I don’t really have much to offer at the moment. Here’s a thought, how about you read yesterday’s post again but everywhere where I said science imagine i said something different. Perhaps you could imagine I said “valets” or “lesbians” or “spatula”. The possibilities are endless! Think of the literal seconds of fun you’ll have!

Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s Day, which is properly pronounced vay-lent-tine’s, is a day specially invented by scientists to try and get people interested in science. People would come down to the local universities and other laboratories that were celebrating Valentine’s Day and would be introduced into the wonders of science. It was originally called Science Appreciation Day but because the most popular experiment was to determine the number of chemical bonds (or valency) in ordinary household items the name was changed to Valentine’s Day and because the original name was so stupid the nickname stuck. However back in nineteen-tickety-two things changed. A sexy female scientist was showing a handsome young man how many chemical bonds there were in his penny-farthing bicycle when they accidentally kissed and then started making hot scientific love right there on the science deck. People were astonished and realised that science is boring and that love is actually more interesting. That year the purpose of Valentine’s Day changed, and just so that nobody ever had to think about science again a team of athletic young heartthrobs invented a story about some bloke called Saint Valentine who got hung or something.

So get out there and make hot naked sex, for love and science!

Writer’s Block: Rare Condition

No I don’t suffer from any kind of outrageously difficult to spell phobias, nor do I know anyone who does. However I do know one person whose birthday is Friday the Thirteenth. Now they claim that the birthday should fall on the same day every year like normal birthdays do, whereas I claim that the birthday should always been on a Friday the Thirteenth. If that specific day isn’t a Friday then it should fall to the nearest Friday the Thirteenth. I think that’s fair isn’t it. I wish I’d been born on a more exciting day. My birthday is 23rd July and it was a Wednesday. Okay it’s interesting because some royalty people were getting married or something but still… Another one of my friends was born on an Easter Sunday and I used to know someone who was born on Valentine’s Day… By the way Easter Birthday would be brilliant. Presents and chocolate eggs! What could be better? Apart from being born on Lesbian Easter.

(Lesbian Easter is like regular Easter but instead of chocolate eggs there are chocolate breasts. And instead of the whole depressing story of Jesus getting himself killed because we’re all such awful sinners and going to go to hell there’s porn.)

Writer’s Block: Dream Job

Lesbian administrator. It would be my job to travel all over the world, to many glamorous and exciting locations, and ensure that every single woman who claims to be a lesbian is a genuine lesbian. Best job ever. No contest.

Writer’s Block: Down on Memory Lane

So we’re back on these again. This is because I feel the obsessive need to update every day but don’t really have anything to say or any time to do it, since I’ve become readdicted to the time-sucking vaccuum of fun and jollility that is World of Warcraft.

So first childhood memory. That’s a tough one. I have lots of childhood memories (okay I have a few childhood memories) but I don’t really have them in any kind of organisation. The earliest one that comes to mind at the moment is when I must have been in the infants, or something, and I had to be part of an assembly about the french language. I didn’t have a large part in the assembly, which is a good thing if you’re me. I was one of the ten kids who had to say one of the numbers one through ten in french. Easy enough you would think. I would think that would be easy enough as well. How could that possibly go wrong? Well I’ll tell you how it could go wrong. It could go wrong if I’m given the number eight (huit) to say. This is because I couldn’t pronounce huit. I protested that this was a mistake because of my inability to pronounce the one word that had been given to me. I suggested that perhaps someone else would like to pronounce this word as there is nine other words available all of which I am fully capable of pronouncing. But my pleas fell on deaf ears. I was completely ignored and was made to read out the word huit in front of the whole school. And that’s the story of why I hate the number eight in French. Tune in next time to hear the story of why I hate the number four in cantonese.

“Ooh look at me and my incredible World of Warcraft addiction and my mouth empty of blood”

Okay so I think if I were still living in the world this would be the point where I get up off my ass and do all the reviewing that has fallen by the wayside while I sat around and bemoaned the state of my mouth and my life and all that kind of crap. However this morning arrived and it had been a suitably long enough period since yesterday’s credit card debacle and I was able to renew my WoW subscription and I was able to get on there and do some good old fashioned questing in the good new fashioned land of Northrend. So as to when you’re going to get those reviews of all those programs… erm… I don’t know… when World of Warcraft is taken down for maintenance? Yeah possibly then.

In other news: Philadelphia is lame because it only has boring normal lesbians there and not super awesome lesbians with laser breasts and radioactive underwear or something.

Nothing

I have absolutely failed to do anything today. Last night at about half six in the morning (don’t ask) I finished Mercenaries 2 and then I kind of struggled with whether I should buy Wrath of the Lich King and all that, or whether I should continue renting different games from the shop every week (I’m notoriously bad at making even the most basic decisions) anyway after I finally made up my mind I attempted to purchase Wrath of the Lich King only for the credit card itself to prevent me from renewing my World of Warcraft subscription (seriously don’t ask what happened there. I’ve been through it about three times now and I still don’t really understand). So because the World of Warcraft website is so brilliantly spiffingly security conscious I’m not allowed to even attempt to purchase a subscription until tomorrow. It’s like World of Warcraft is actively trying to stop me from spending money on it.

Writer’s Block: Seven

Right now? I would say that I’ve probably just committed a whole bunch of Sloth seeing as I’ve just woken up. Of course it’s tempting to place the blame on the fact that I still have a mouth full of blood and all that, but I think the real culprit here is laziness. In terms of which of the seven deadly sins I’m likely to commit next it’s probably a toss-up (no pun intended) between lust and wrath dependant on whether I carry on trying to do an impossible task on Mercs 2 (that would incite me being wrathful, just so we’re clear) or whether I go off and look at lesbians now. Either way it sounds like a good night.

“Ooh look at me and my incredible healing powers and my mouth full of blood”

Well well well, look at me! I’m all well again! Well not 100% well but more well than ill. On a scale of 1 to 10 with 1 being the lowest number and 10 being the highest number I’d have a mouth full of blood. Thankfully I didn’t have to stay the night after all. I got home last night at about half seven. I suppose I could have posted then to go “ooh look at me and my incredible healing powers and my mouth full of blood” but I didn’t much feel like it. So I took my time and played a ridiculous amount of Mercenaries 2 and here I am. Back with a vengeance, and a mouth full of blood. I probably won’t start reviewing things again immediately because my reviews would all be full of me moaning about having a mouth full of blood (by the way have i mentioned that I have a mouth full of blood?), but rest assured that I’ve just seen the latest episode of Demons and it was really peculiar. Mrs Doyle off of Father Ted was on there and I was sure that she was going to force Little Jimmy Van Hellsing to drink a poisoned cup of tea or something.

With regards to the Friday hospitalisation it wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be. The worst part was all the waiting because I just sat around and panicked and panicked and then panicked some more. Once I’d actually got to the theatre (operating theatre of course) they put me under anasthetic (I was waiting all day for someone to say general anasthetic so I could do the HIMYM style salute but unfortunately nobody said it at all) I was fine. In fact I was better than fine. I was chatty and cheerful and even joking (I’m normally rubbish talking to people I don’t know. I should try talking to people under anasthetic more often. It seems to loosen me up somewhat). And I was fine afterwards and had cheese sandwiches which were really nice (the worst thing about the hospital experience was that I couldn’t have anything to eat or drink from midnight the night before). All in all I’m just glad that it’s over with. I lived last week with the grim spectre of surgery looming just over the horizon and however much I tried to forget about it and just get on with my life I could never quite banish that thought. Now I’m free. Free to live and love and everything in between. Hooray for life!